YOUR MONTH’S SUPPLY OF DAD JOKES
Need something to fill awkward silences at your next meeting? Or maybe you just want a chuckle? Here’s a month’s worth of dad jokes curated by us to get you going. Happy Father’s Day!
How does the moon cut its hair? Eclipse it.
Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, we’d call them bagels.
Why does Sherlock Holmes like Mexican restaurants? Because they give him good case ideas.
I went for a job interview at Ikea and the manager told me “Come in, make a seat”.
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He Pasta Away
I’m in Kyoto for the Anagram World Championships. Turns out, it’s in Tokyo.
What do Winnie the Pooh and Alexander the Great have in common? The same middle name.
How do NASA organise a party? They planet.
Why can’t a nose be twelve inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
Why did the gym close down? Because it just didn’t work out
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? In case they get a hole in one!
What do you call someone sleeping with no body and no nose? Still nobody knows.
I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
I had to sell my vacuum cleaner. It was collecting dust.
Why was Peter a rich fisherman? He had a net income.
What car did the apostles drive? A Honda. They were together in one Accord.
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
What did one hat say to the other? "Stay here! I'm going on ahead."
Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones.
What does a lemon say when it answers the phone? "Yellow!"
“Dad, can you put the cat out?" "I didn't know it was on fire."
The thing about communism jokes is that they’re not funny unless everyone gets them.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
What country's capital is growing the fastest? Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.
Did you hear about the big Lego sale? People were queuing for blocks.
I used some paper to make a bike. It doesn't move… It’s a stationary bike.
I’ve been telling people the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s raisin awareness.
Have you heard of the movie Constipation? … perhaps because it hasn’t come out yet?
How much does a roof cost? Nothing. Because it’s on the house.
What did one plate say to another? Dinner’s on me.
But jokes aside…
to all men, we hope you’ll feel loved today!
““And I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me,” says the Lord Almighty.”